I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
