I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
