I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
