What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
