how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
