He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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