Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
