Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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