I murdered the dance floor call the cops
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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