i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
