Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
