we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
