She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
