You made me cry and you don't even care
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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