so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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