Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
