i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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