puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Come back. Shots need mouths.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway