I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
