I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
