Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
