There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
