Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
