dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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