I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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