Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
