I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Come see our sink grown plant.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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