awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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