Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
