I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
