he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
