I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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