dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
