What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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