I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My pussy is not your playground.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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