you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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