You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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