dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
