You're my little dorito
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
