So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
