he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites