I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset