i only shaved half my leg
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.