It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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