bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
