My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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