What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
