the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
