Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
