and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
