Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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