I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
