did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
