its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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