my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
