I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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