it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
