Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
