new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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