I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
