you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
