we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
