My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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