So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
