I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
