So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
