i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
