glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
