If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
