it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
